


gave me no compasses, gave me no signs (were there clues i didn't see?)

by lesbianglinda



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Death, F/F, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Pining, Slow Burn, So. Much. Pining., it's Aang dw I didn't kill anyone else off
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:28:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28293102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesbianglinda/pseuds/lesbianglinda
Summary: Lin’s head snapped up to meet Kya’s eyes. The determined fury on Kya’s face was the spitting image of her mother’s, so much so that Lin was suddenly hit by a memory of Katara glaring at her mother with the exact same expression as they argued over Toph’s parenting (or lack thereof). Lin had been so shocked by it; both because she had never seen Katara so angry and because she couldn’t quite believe it was on her behalf. The memory softened her posture slightly, but the fear lingered.She stepped towards Kya, pressing down the bitter sting when she noticed a flash of panic in those brown eyes, “I just– I…” Her traitorous mouth wouldn’t form any words and she let out a frustrated growl as she dropped heavily onto the couch behind her. Kya, by some miracle she surely didn’t deserve, tempered slightly and moved to sit next to her,“You can take your time, I’ll wait.”ALTERNATIVELY TITLED: five times kya asked lin to come away with her (and one time she didn't have to)
Relationships: Korra/Asami Sato (mentioned), Lin Beifong/Kya II, Past Izumi/Kya II, Past Lin Beifong/Tenzin
Comments: 41
Kudos: 152





	1. i'm only seventeen, i don't know anything but i know i miss you

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first time posting on ao3 and also my first venture into the kyalin fandom soooo hello!! in fact this is my first published fanfic in about ten years :o i've been quietly lurking in the fandom for a little while and honestly you are all so intimidatingly talented i almost ran for the hills, but here i am nevertheless!!
> 
> i have no idea what i'm doing, so i'm sorry if that is painfully obvious. this is (loosely) a 5+1 fanfic so there will be 6 chapters total. i've uploaded the first two at the same time because they're short and are more about setting up than the actual meat of the story. the final four chapters are a lot more kyalin heavy, i promise.

Lin had always hated the beach. The sand beneath her feet made her feel unstable and off kilter, the sun was always too bright, and the crashing waves held little to no appeal. But their parents were all out discussing matters which they said the kids were all much too young to be a part of and apparently it was a wasted opportunity not to go to the beach when you were on Ember Island. That’s what Kya had said anyway, as she linked their arms together and half-dragged a grumbling Lin along with the rest of the group. Someone had to look out for Suyin, she supposed begrudgingly as she watched her sister skip ahead, listening avidly as Izumi told her everything she knew about the island.

This level of freedom was not unheard of for the group; their parents were always off dealing with politics and leaving them all to their own devices. It was often a source of relief, that their parents’ shadows were only metaphorical, but it happened far too often for Lin’s liking. For all of her merits both as a hero and in her profession, Toph turned out to be quite a lousy mother. She’d told her daughters stories of her parents’ oppressive attention and how she strove to give them the freedoms that she never had, but all too often Lin couldn’t help but wonder whether this was just her excuse for not knowing how to care for them. She didn’t care, she told herself. She could look after Su and herself just fine.

Kya bounced excitedly on her feet when they neared the shore, breaking Lin from her thoughts. The waterbender seemed to be immediately flooded with infectious energy as they neared her element and a fond smile slipped past Lin’s her defences. Kya noticed – she always did – but said nothing of it as they happily trailed at the back of her group, satisfied that they didn’t really need to talk to each other. She’d always enjoyed Lin’s quiet company, knowing that they could easily talk for hours if they wanted to, but it wasn’t expected of her. She didn’t have any other friends like that; she was the entertainer, the ringleader, the one burdened with keeping spirits high. Even with her own brothers, everyone expected her to perform a certain role. But Lin never asked anything of her, except for her quiet company. It was a welcome dynamic in Kya’s chaotic life.

Still, as much as she loved Lin’s comforting stoicism, she couldn’t help trying to draw some excitement out of her, “Come oooon, aren’t you at least a tiny bit excited? Hey, maybe you could teach yourself to sandbend!”

Lin huffed out a short breath that almost resembled a laugh, “I think I already have my hands full with my mother’s metalbending lessons.”

Kya nodded and leaned over to gently bump her shoulder against Lin’s, “Damn and I was _just_ thinking about how I can convince you to let me teach you to surf. Guess I’ll have to let you off this time.”

Their friendship was an odd one, to say the least, but it worked. The age difference between them meant that that were always at completely different stages of their lives, but they shared a bond that only came from growing up in such close proximity to each other. Kya had never looked down on her; never treated her like a baby as Bumi often did or made her feel like her often harsh nature was something to be feared, which Tenzin had a habit of doing. No, Kya was much more perceptive than her siblings and her company was never unwelcome, even to someone like Lin who so often craved to be alone. She always seemed to know what to say or when it was better to say nothing at all. Lin often found silence comforting, but far too often found herself surrounded by people who felt the need to fill it. Kya seemed to understand this and silences between the two were never awkward.

“I think your girlfriend’s looking for you.” Lin nodded her head towards Izumi, who was peering over at them with a curious expression on her face. What had become a regular comment Lin used to tease Kya usually earned her an elbow in the ribs and an indignant protest. She watched, however, as Kya’s gaze moved to meet Izumi’s and the two shared a soft smile. Well that was an interesting development. Lin felt Kya bump her shoulder against hers again and begin moving away before the younger girl had a chance to process the loss of her friend by her side.

Izumi had laid her blanket down much closer to the shore than Lin dared to go, which she supposed now was because she knew that her girlfriend would want to be in the water for the majority of the day. _Girlfriend_. Lin ruminated on the word in her mind, letting it sit for a moment as she tried to process it. It was hard to think of Kya as someone’s girlfriend, she had always been so free and independent, making it clear from a young age that she never intended to be tied down, be it to a person or a place. It had always been easier, she supposed, to remind herself that Kya wasn’t attached to anything. It made watching her leave a tiny bit more bearable, for she wasn’t leaving because she liked somewhere else more, liked _someone_ else more, but because she was simply a free spirit. The waterbender in question laughed loudly, effectively drawing Lin’s attention back to the present. Izumi was sputtering, her hair soaking wet and plastered to the sides of her face and Lin deduced that Kya had just splashed her when she wasn’t expecting it. It caused an ache in the earthbender’s chest that she couldn’t ( _wouldn’t_ ) name as she watched the pair laughing and play fighting in the shallow waters.

It wasn’t as if she was jealous, not in the traditional sense anyway. Their friendship wasn’t one of sleepovers and endless time spent together that she was worried would be infringed upon by Kya’s new relationship status. If she really thought about it, she had to admit to herself that she couldn’t say for sure where she fitted into her friend’s life now. Was that who they were to each other—childhood friends? She’d always felt a deeper connection to the waterbender than she had with anyone else she grew up with, even Suyin at times, but perhaps it had just been her misunderstanding her own feelings; she’d never really had friends outside of their group, so she had admittedly very little to compare it to.

Maybe there were, in fact, too different to be compatible. After all, while Lin was as stubborn and unmoving as the element she wielded, Kya was as free flowing and fluid as the water that easily weaved through her slender fingers as Lin watched from her vantage point up on the rocks. Their differences had always made their dynamic interesting and special, but maybe now they were growing older they were also growing apart. The ache in her chest at that thought weighed heavier than any rock she’d ever bent, but she swallowed the lump in her throat and told herself it was probably for the best. Even at sixteen, she knew that she was probably destined for a life settled in Republic City. She couldn’t imagine being anywhere else, this was her home, the only place she knew. Kya, however, yearned to see the world; she’d left home three years ago, and her visits were starting to feel shorter and less frequent every time. To her, the city was boring and predictable, traits that Lin knew were also staples of her own personality. Yes, they were in fact, just too different.

A hand was waved in her face and Lin refocused her eyes to see Tenzin leaning over her, eyes sparkling with amusement.

“Where did you disappear to, the Spirit world?” His tone of voice was light, teasing, the opposite of the dark spiral that Lin’s thoughts had started to follow. She smiled up at him and shook her head, glad that he took the hint and continued talking without asking any further questions. “You gotta help me Lin, Su and Bumi are trying to bury me under a sandcastle and I don’t think I can take them both.”

Lin snorted, “Can’t you just bend your way out, Airhead?” She looked up and noticed Tenzin’s smile falter slightly. She realised, perhaps a bit too late, that this had just been his excuse for taking to her and trying to include her. She jumped up to her feet with a sigh, pulling a small chunk of rock with her and sending it with deadly precision to hit Bumi in the back of the head. He turned and scowled over at them and Tenzin let out a breathy laugh that sounded more like relief than humour. Suyin tried to send the same piece of rock back towards her sister, but Lin dodged out of the way and it bounced off of Tenzin’s shoulder instead. Grumpiness gave way to Lin’s competitive nature and she spent the remainder of the afternoon in a friendly battle with the three others, almost forgetting about the two older girls at the edge of their group.

The sun was almost setting when Katara’s voice rang out from the horizon, calling them for dinner. Lin once again found herself at the rear of the group, falling into step next to Kya who was practically glowing from a day spent in the water.

“When are you heading out next?” Lin heard herself asking, curiosity getting the better of her.

“Actually, I was thinking of going back to the Fire Nation with Izumi. I’ve mostly been in the Earth Kingdom for the past year and I could really do with a change.”

Lin swallowed down the disappointment she didn’t deserve to feel, “Oh, that sounds nice.” She knew that she should probably say more, that a real friend would ask more questions and take more of an interest, but she was at a loss.

Luckily Kya didn’t seem to mind, and they walked a few metres in silence before the waterbender spoke again, “You should come and visit, if you’d like. The heat might do you good!”

“I–“ Lin paused, taking a second to process Kya’s words. Was she just being friendly and making conversation, or did she truly mean it? It was hard to tell with someone as easy going and charismatic as Kya, who easily charmed everyone she met. “Thank you, but I doubt I’ll be able to get away, mom keeps me pretty busy with training.”

Kya nodded and said something about Lin always being able to change her mind before she disappeared into the house, likely headed towards the kitchen to help her mother bring dinner to the table. Lin let out the breath she hadn’t known she’d been holding and wondered if, this time, Kya’s departure might stifle her confusing feelings.


	2. you drew stars around my scars, but now i'm bleeding

Years passed and proved Lin correct—it was easier not to think about Kya when she wasn’t around. She spent her time caring for herself and Suyin until she was old enough for the academy and then suddenly her days were filled with seemingly endless training exercises and exams.

Somehow, she found the time to date an ever-persistent Tenzin amongst it all. His company was pleasant, familiar and comforting and had Lin often wondering if this was what love feels like. Kya would know, she supposed, but for some reason she never felt comfortable discussing her relationship with the waterbender’s brother when it came up in their rare conversations. Kya’s visits had become more and more infrequent until it barely felt like she visited more than once a year. She wrote though, regaling Lin with tales of her adventures and the people she met along the way. It’s easy for Lin to convince herself that the jealousy that surges through her system every time is because of how happy Kya seems to be, not for any other, much harder to acknowledge reasons.

Lin had often struggled to name her emotions, both negative and positive. She had, however, never felt anything so strong and so sudden and so terrifying as she did when her younger sister stepped out of the car she’d been chasing. It felt like her spine had been encased in ice as her entire body seized up and ran cold; a dizzying array of reactions surged through her mind as she gaped at her younger sister, but the only one she understood was anger. Anger was a safety net, a comfort blanket that was familiar and easy to process, and it made her feel somewhat more in control in a situation where she otherwise felt like she was drowning.

“Don’t even think about taking one more step.” She hardly recognises her own voice as it calls out to her retreating sister, desperation leaking through into her command. She shouldn’t have been surprised when Su ignored her, she had always been the kind to do the exact opposite of what Lin asked of her as if she found some kind of joy in the frustration she evoked from her older sister. That had always been the nature of their relationship, Lin would realise later in the silence of her empty apartment. Lin’s overprotective nature and Suyin’s rebellious disposition, paired with the neglect of their mother, resulted in a constant push and pull as they struggled to maintain a regular sibling dynamic in less than regular circumstances.

In all of her training, Lin had been taught to incapacitate uncooperative suspects as soon as possible, particularly when they were a bender. She shot a cable out towards Suyin, but it only wrapped tightly around one of her wrists, stopping her from retreating further, but doing nothing to prevent her from attacking. It would give her enough time to collect her thoughts, to really understand the situation they had found themselves in and come up with a solution. Su turned all too quickly though, and Lin found herself paralysed once again as she watched, helpless, as her own cable hurtled back towards her.

Everything else felt like it happened in a haze. She remembered the searing pain of the impact and the sound of her hoarse scream as she clutched at her cheek. She remembered seeing Suyin’s terrified expression through her tears of pain as she hesitated for a fleeting moment before turning to run. Even hazier is the memory of how she got to Air Temple Island, wincing underneath Katara’s gentle touch as Tenzin hovered behind them anxiously. All too vivid, conversely, are the memories of sitting in her mother’s office, being told that she was to blame for just doing her job and that her sister would once again not face any real consequences for her actions. Toph had said it was their only option, but Lin thought she was simply a coward, too ashamed to allow her shortcomings as a parent to come under public scrutiny.

The wound on her cheek pulsed tauntingly, reminding her of its presence as if she ever could have forgotten. Luckily, Katara had recognised Lin’s need for space and had demanded that everyone grant her that small mercy as she set her up in Kya’s childhood bedroom. It was the furthest room from everyone else, so Lin was able to name the peace and quiet as the reason for the comfort the room brought her instead of anything as ridiculous as the lingering smell on the pillow cases or the childhood memories of nights staying up far too late to swap secrets. She had remained in that same room for the past week, only ever seeing Katara when she came to check on her wound. Even Tenzin was refused entry, though he often hovered in the hallway to speak to her through the door. Not that she ever responded.

A knock on the door reminded her of the passing of time and Lin sighed, steeling herself for another healing session with Katara. She called out for her to enter, not even bothering to tear her eyes away from the hole in the ceiling she had been staring at. She remembered exactly how it had gotten there, the product of a childish play fight when Kya had pinned her down and tickled her so relentlessly that she’d accidentally sent one of Kya’s crystals flying upwards with a flailing arm. Kya, still above her, had just laughed harder and Lin had realised she would do almost anything to elicit that sound from her friend.

“If you’re going to lie across my bed, the least you could do is save me some space.”

The familiar voice caused Lin’s head to shoot up from the pillow. Sure enough it wasn’t Katara who had come to see her, but Kya. Lin hadn’t even known she was back in the city and she voiced as much, causing Kya to hum in response. "I’m just passing through, really. Dad wanted me to pick up some things to take to the Eastern Air Temple when I next go over there.”

Lin nodded as she scrambled to sit up on the bed, keeping her head tilted away from the doorway as if she would be able to hide the thick bandage from Kya. The waterbender stepped into the room slowly and shut the door behind her before she moved towards the end of the bed, sitting down but still keeping some distance between them. She silently considered Lin, who tried not to shift uncomfortably under her gaze; she expected pity and sympathy, both of which made her feel itchy and uncomfortable. When her curiosity finally wins over, however, and she risks a glance at her friend, she sees only patience and understanding swimming in familiar brown eyes. The faint lines around Kya’s eyes were new and they crinkled as she smiled, her expression almost unbearably tender.

“Can I take a look?”

Lin was surprised by the question, asked so softly she almost missed it. The first thing that Tenzin had said when he saw her was to reassure her that everything would be okay. Katara had said much of the same as she promised that she would do everything she could to heal her. Kya’s words were clinical, almost detached, but her tone spoke volumes and provided instant comfort. Lin felt safe and under no kind of pressure to feel a certain way. She nodded again, not trusting her traitorous voice not to waver, and felt the mattress move as Kya shifted from her position to kneel on the floor in front of her. She lifted Lin’s chin with a gentle finger, eyes still soft though her expression was now solemn and firm, before her hand moved to the edge of the wrapping on her cheek. Lin’s eyes squeezed shut both from the sensation of cool fingers against her face and in protest of the surge of emotions she felt brewing under the surface of her emotionless façade. Kya, to her credit, didn’t react at all as she peeled back the padding, only moving to lean back slightly so that she could open the water skin at her hip and apply its contents to the wound.

The touch of the water was cold against her face, but it provided a comfort that Lin hadn’t been anticipating. She let out a breath she hadn’t known she was holding as her eyes darted around the room, looking anywhere but at the waterbender crouched between her knees. Eventually she just let her eyes flutter shut, leaning into the comfort of the healing touch and the vulnerability of the situation. When Kya had finished, she gently lowered the water back into the skin before reaching for a clean dressing. Lin gasped, however, when she felt gentle fingers tracing the length of the scar instead and her eyes snapped open to finally meet Kya’s. The older woman’s gaze was still calm and soft, though her brows were knitted almost imperceptibly. It was only when she felt the pad of a thumb on her face’s uninjured side that Lin realised she was crying. She tried to pull away, but Kya’s hand shifted around to cup the back of her neck, keeping her close and her eyes locked on hers.

“You know,” She started softly, fingers stroking the short hairs at the nape of Lin’s neck subconsciously, “I think they make you look badass.”

And just like that, Lin let out a surprised laugh. She almost didn’t recognise the sound and couldn’t help but be startled by it. Kya’s smile brightened and her hold on Lin’s neck loosened slightly, as if she were no longer afraid that Lin was going to pull away. She leaned backwards slightly and rested her elbows on the earthbender’s knees, still gazing up at her fondly.

“They’re just so–“ Lin broke off, waving her hand in the air as she searched for the right words. Unattractive? Unfeminine? Unsightly? She ducked her chin and stared down at her lap, which Kya took as a hint to busy herself with redressing the wound — Lin’s lips quirked up in the tiniest hint of a grateful smile.

“They don’t change who you are.” Kya’s voice sounded resolved and assured, “You’re still you. And you’re still beautiful, Lin.”

Lin was crying again, marginally more freely now as her control slipped. She’d already heard similar placating words from Katara and Tenzin, even Aang as he dropped her dinner off at her door one night, but somehow they meant more coming from Kya. She had seen the world, meeting all kinds of wonderful and interesting people, and yet she still sounded completely genuine. There was no hint of pity in her tone, she wasn’t treating her like a child or as some fragile, broken thing like Tenzin seemed to be doing as of late; there was nothing but truth and conviction in her voice.

“Thank you.” She uttered softly, hoping that Kya knew she didn’t just mean it in response to her words, but for all of it. For the comfort and the healing and for simply being there. Kya’s knowing smile said that she did. The waterbender used Lin’s knees to push herself up to stand, stretching as she mentioned something about fetching dinner. Lin said nothing as she tried to process the loss of Kya’s warmth against her and was barely able to stutter out an acknowledgement before the taller woman disappeared out into the corridor.

She assumed Tenzin would bring a plate to her door, as he always did after a healing session so that he could hover and try to ask for information, but Kya was gone for no longer than ten minutes before Lin heard her voice through the door,

“Open up, Lin, I’m gonna drop something!”

Lin quickly did as she was told and crossed the room to slide the door open. Kya handed her one of the plates she was holding with a relieved sigh, “Oh thank the spirits, mom would have been really mad at me if I dropped everything and didn’t feed you properly.”

She pushed past the shorter woman into the room, wasting no time dropping down onto the rug to eat. Lin stood in the doorway for a moment to allow her brain time to catch up with what was happening. No one had eaten with her all week and yet here Kya was, cross-legged on the floor of her room as if nothing were out of the ordinary. It should have felt invasive, Lin should have been upset, but instead she was somewhat touched. Her friend was determined not to treat her any differently and for that she was grateful. She slid the door closed once more and moved to mirror Kya’s position on the floor.

They ate in comfortable silence and afterwards Kya filled her in on her latest adventures on Kyoshi Island with their aunt Suki.

“You could come with me, if you’d like? Just for a bit, to get away from it all.”

The question made Lin freeze, her immediate negative response on the tip of her tongue. She paused, however, taking a moment to really consider the request. It would be nice, she supposed, to be away from responsibility for a while. The streets of Republic City held both bad memories and crippling expectations at every turn and she could hardly imagine what it would feel like to be somewhere where people didn’t care about who she was or what she had done. But being a police officer was who she was. It was dedication to her job and to her moral code that got her into this mess with her family, earned her two permanent scars on her cheek, and it would seem like a waste to turn her back on that, even if just temporarily.

“I have to work.” She said simply, allowing those four words to speak for the volumes racing through her brain. Kya nodded understandably, disappointment flashing across her features for a fleeting moment before being replaced with a smile. Lin gulped, suddenly feeling very tense, “Where were you thinking of going next?”

Kya launched into her plans to meet up with Bumi in Ba Sing Se before heading to Chameleon Bay and on to the Eastern Air Temple and Lin leaned back against her hands to listen with the attention that the older woman deserved. Neither of them voiced their sadness that they would be parting again so soon, that their lives were on such different paths, but Lin reasoned that it was for the best. Their time together was transitory and hence all the more precious — it would be a waste to spend it lamenting on what could never be.


	3. so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so here's chapter three!! this is quite a heavy one, dealing with the death of aang and the grief that comes along with that, so please bear that in mind going forward. thank you so much for the support so far, it really does mean so much! i hope you enjoy this chapter and don't hate me for being such a sucker for angst lmao

Kya remembered sitting on her father’s knee as he regaled his children with tales of the nomadic Air Nation as it had been in its heyday. The world was their home, he used to say when Bumi asked where they lived. Tenzin had always stared up at their father with awe as he dreamed about being surrounded by other airbenders just like them. Kya, however, had latched onto the idea of not being tied down to any particular place and it was this fascination that had led to her leaving home at eighteen with barely more than a water skin and a bundle of blankets; her brother may have been the air bender amongst them, but Kya was certainly the nomad.

Living in such a way meant that the passing of time was almost like background noise and thus she barely paid any mind to the fact that twenty years had passed in what felt like the blink of an eye. It had been ten since she last spent any notable length of time in the city she was raised in, sat on the floor of her childhood bedroom with a newly scarred Lin Beifong. The two of them still wrote each other habitually (Lin was one of only two people who always knew Kya’s current whereabouts, the other being her mother), although the metalbender’s correspondence had been less frequent in the years since her promotion to Chief.

Izumi was a constant in her life too; they had dated for a few years in their early twenties, but they had been so young and had wanted such different things. Their relationship had been shaky at best, but it soon shifted into something platonic and unbreakable and Kya found herself spending at least one month out of each year in the Fire Nation palace, taking it upon herself to make sure that Izumi took breaks from being the Fire Lord in training.

It’s where she is when she hears the news, throwing knives in the gardens with her aunt Mai when Zuko appears in the doorway behind them, looking even more uncomfortable and awkward than usual. His broken voice barely gets a chance to stutter out “Kya…your father–“ before she knows. She knows with the deep, sudden ache in her chest and in the unfathomable sorrow of her uncle’s eyes that her father is dying.

Izumi caught up with her as she was packing, wordlessly hovering as if afraid that one touch might break her into pieces. Kya thought that might actually be an apt assessment. She declined her friend’s offer to make the journey with her and Izumi simply nodded understandingly.

“I’ll get you an airship ready,” she had stated softly before Kya found herself alone again.

Kya always preferred to travel by boat, surrounded by her natural element, but Fire Nation airships were substantially faster and her only priority at that moment was getting home to her family. She spent the majority of the journey meditating, thinking only of her dad and her family. She used to meditate with him often, in the earliest hours of the morning when everyone else was asleep and the call of the moon had kept Kya up all night. When she opened her eyes, she often forgot where she was and expected to feel the comforting presence of her father at her side. She wept into her pillow at night.

Bumi was waiting for her with Appa when she disembarked the ship and she knew as soon as she saw them that something was wrong. Her brother was an insufferable optimist, so his broken expression spoke volumes; their father was gone. He opened his arms wide and she didn’t hesitate to step into them, surrounding herself in the silent comfort that only her older brother could ever provide. Tears soaked the shoulder of his shirt, but Bumi rested his chin on the top of her head and said nothing; he needed this consolation just as much as she did. Their grief was a complicated, messy thing, just as their relationship with their father had been, and no one would understand that outside of the pair of them. Soon they would have to be the strong, mourning children of the late Avatar, but in that moment they could just be two conflicted and despairing siblings.

Appa seemed to move slower as if weighed down by his grief and the journey back to the island felt both infuriatingly long and all too brief. Kya wasn’t sure she was ready to set foot on there when it was missing such an important part of what made it home. Bumi kept his hand in hers the entire time as he quietly filled her in on everything that had happened, how their mom and brother were doing, what needed to be arranged for the funeral. She supposed it would come down to the two of them — no one could expect Katara to organise things in her grief and Tenzin, now bearing the title of the last airbender, would likely be catatonic.

They landed and stepped off of the bison’s back to be greeted only by eerie silence. Kya couldn’t remember the last time she had come home to anything other than a crushing hug from both of her parents. Bumi called out gently as they headed inside and soon enough their mother was rounding the corner to greet them, Sokka close behind her.

“Kya.” She said her daughter’s name softly, filled with both relief and anguish, and moved to wrap her in a comforting hug. Kya squeezed her mother tightly but refused to cry any more. She had to be strong for them both now. Sokka swept in as soon as Katara let her go, looping an arm around her shoulders and steering her into the meditation hall.

“She’s doing okay — still in shock, I think. Your brother’s barely spoken a word all day, but he’s eating now at least. We’re glad you’re here.”

That’s what Kya had always admired about her uncle: he was a good man in a crisis. Though he was still in touch with his emotions, a trait for which her mother had always told them they had their aunt Suki to thank, he always managed to keep a level head and focus on the facts. She appreciated his candid stability now more than ever and leaned into him slightly as they walked in a silent bid of thanks. Tenzin was there in the living room when they entered, looking paler than she’d ever seen him as he sat cross legged in the window seat. Lin, who was perched on the other side of the bench looking like she had no idea what to do, glanced up when they entered and immediately locked eyes with Kya. She stood and Kya wordlessly crossed the room to greet her oldest friend with a gentle hug. They pulled apart after a few seconds and the waterbender held onto her elbows for a moment, giving herself the chance to really look at her; her eyes were hollow and the dark circles underneath them were prominent, but Kya could tell that she hadn’t let herself cry yet. She was probably far too focussed on Tenzin to process her own grief. Tenzin. Kya shifted her gaze towards her baby brother and almost cried on the spot just from looking at him. He had always been so stern and so serious, but she had never seen such a frightening lack of emotion on his face.

“ _Ten_ –” She started, but no words came. Really, what could she say? She had loved their dad and felt his loss like an icicle through her chest, but their relationship had been strained at the best of times. Tenzin, however, had idolised Aang. He was the golden child, his father’s precious airbender. Kya couldn’t even imagine the magnitude of his grief. She reached out to put her hands on top of his and he gripped back with such a force that maybe, she thought, just being there for him might be enough.

Kya didn’t remember much of the afternoon, which passed in a blur of grief she could neither name nor process. It wasn’t until the late evening, when everyone else had retired and she was left to wander the halls alone, that she felt like she had to confront her own feelings. Guilt was surprisingly the most pressing – hot shame that burned in her stomach and her throat as she thought about the fact that she hadn’t been there. She never got to say goodbye. She thought about the last time she had seen her father: he had been on a trip with Tenzin to the Northern Air Temple when she was working in the Northern Water Tribe, so they made a detour to visit her. She remembered listening to them rattle on about how excited they were and having to bite her lip to try to quash the acrid jealousy that immediately came over her. She had been short with them and had breathed a sigh of relief as she waved them off; she had been relieved. The last time she had seen her father she’d had the nerve to be relieved that he was gone, she’d wanted him gone. But not like this, never like this. Suddenly the corridors felt narrower, the ceilings felt closer, and she couldn’t breathe. Kya took gulping breaths as she walked briskly into the gardens, but even the fresh air didn’t help. His presence was everywhere in the temple that he built, and it was overwhelming. She couldn’t be there.

It was only when she was already on the doorstep that Kya considered the possibility that Lin had moved since they last saw each other. She raised her hand to knock on the door, which opened after only a few short seconds.

“Kya?” Lin looked so much smaller in the doorway of her home without her armour — had she always been that small?

“Hi. Sorry, I know it’s late, but can I come in? Just for a bit, I just–“ Kya trailed off, uncharacteristically nervous. Lin was known for needing her space and the waterbender was suddenly all too aware that she had just invaded it without any invitation or giving so much as a warning. Lin stepped aside to let her in, though, and Kya smiled appreciatively at her as she stepped into the apartment.

Lin’s home was both nothing like and exactly how Kya had expected it. It was sparsely decorated, modern and clean, but Kya was surprised to see that it was also full of plant life. Tumbling vines trailed down from shelves that were also laden with books, cabinets were home to various small metal sculptures and small potted succulents. While she couldn’t see any photos, Kya noted that the walls were tastefully decorated with various paintings and prints: she would have to come back and properly take it all in once her emotional state was more stable. She surmised that the apartment was very fitting for its owner.

“Is everything alright?” Lin’s voice sounded from behind her and Kya spun around again, shoving her hands into her pockets with a sheepish smile.

“Yeah, yeah, it’s fine. Well, as much as can be expected.” She let out a humourless laugh, trying to diffuse the tension, but Lin’s expression didn’t waver. “I just couldn’t be there. His home, his island, it was just…too much.”

Lin nodded, shoving her reading glasses on the top of her head just for something to do with her hands. It brought attention to how bloodshot her eyes were and the heavy dark circles which weighed them down. Kya spoke again before the metalbender had a chance to, “Are you okay?”

“ _Me_?” came Lin’s dumbfounded response and the older woman’s heart broke a fraction more at the look of shock on her friend’s face. Had no one asked after her wellbeing in all this? Lin shook her head slightly and moved into the kitchen as she answered, “I’m okay. Been trying to manage the press and look out for Tenzin. He’s really cut up, you know? Well obviously you know that — wine?” She pulled out two glasses from a cabinet in front of her, finally turning to face Kya with a question in her eyes. Kya stepped towards her and placed a hand on top of one of Lin’s, gently lowering it until the glasses rested on the countertop.

“I didn’t ask about Tenzin, I asked about you.” When Lin’s frown just became deeper, Kya elaborated, “You’re allowed to grieve too, Lin. My dad, he was important to you too.”

The metalbender shook her head and it caused a strand of her hair to fall loose. Kya’s fingers twitched as she was hit by the sudden urge to reach out and tuck it behind her ear.

“I need to focus on helping Tenzin, I can’t afford break down right now.” Lin’s voice was firm and yet shaky at the same time, wavering with the strain of trying to hold herself together. Kya knew better than to push her when she was this determined and instead just watched quietly as Lin turned to retrieve a bottle of wine and fill both of their glasses. She accepted one with a quiet thank you, leaning back against the counter before taking a long sip. The dark liquid swirled dangerously in the glass as she absentmindedly bent it with a twist of her finger.

“I should feel sadder.” Kya probably wouldn’t have realised she’d said it out loud if Lin’s head hadn’t suddenly snapped up to look at her. “My relationship with my father was so complicated, I know that. But I see how devastated my mom is, and my brother, like there’s a sudden hole in their chests and I don’t feel it. Not like they do, anyway.”

Lin floundered for a moment, not knowing what to do. She had spent the past few days completely unsure of how to comfort her boyfriend and now here she was facing the same dilemma with his sister, his sister who had always stirred up such complicated and confusing feelings; she was completely at a loss. But Kya buried her face in her hands before Lin could even attempt to try anything and continued, her words now somewhat muffled by her palms,

“I’m so selfish, Lin. My father is dead and all I feel is guilty. Not sadness, not grief, just hot, sick guilt that I wasn’t there. I should have been there for him, for mom and Tenzin, but where was I? Travelling the world like some immature teenager. I’m so afraid of settling down and being tethered to one place that I wasn’t there for my family.” She paused as a broken sob took over, her next words thick with raw emotion, “I’ll never see my dad again, Lin.”

“Hey.” Lin moved on pure instinct, putting down her glass so that she could step into Kya’s space. If there was one thing she knew, it was that Kya was a tactile person, she always had been, and therefore physical contact was likely the best way to quash her growing panic. She reached for the older woman’s wrist, gently pulling them away from her face so that she could look her in the eye. “It’s not your fault, you couldn’t have known. Just because you weren’t there, it doesn’t mean your family don’t know how much you care about them. Spirits, do you know how excited your parents were whenever you wrote?” Kya muttered that she didn’t, and Lin smiled encouragingly, “It was all Aang would talk about at dinner that evening, where you were and what you were up to. Katara would fuss that she hoped you were eating well and looking after yourself, but your dad, he always just sat there with the goofiest grin talking about how proud he was of you and how glad he was you were out seeing the places your parents had travelled to when they were younger.”

Kya was openly crying now, and she twisted her wrists that Lin still had a hold of, shifting so that she could interlock their fingers. Lin took this as a sign of encouragement and squeezed her hands reassuringly, thanking whatever spirit might be listening that against all odds she seemed to be doing an okay job of calming her friend down.

“Your dad had his flaws, and your relationship was by no means perfect, you’re allowed to have complicated feelings about it. Especially now. But never think that he ever questioned how much you love your family.”

Lin let out a gentle “oof” as she was tugged into a fierce hug and smiled softly against Kya’s shoulder when she heard a whispered thank you. She hadn’t been this close to Kya in at least five years and she tried not to be distracted by the fact that her scent was still achingly familiar. Now was certainly not the time for _those_ thoughts to come back to her.

Kya pulled away and let out a tiny laugh, effectively diffusing the tension as she allowed Lin to step backwards. “That was a lot of emotions for you, Beifong, I’m sorry.” She turned to pick up her wine from the counter, “Do you still have that gorgeous Pai Sho board? ‘Cause I promise you I’ve picked up some new moves while I’ve been away, I might even have a shot at beating you this time.”

Lin recognised that they both needed the distraction and was grateful that Kya still read her so well and diffused the tension before it overwhelmed her. They spent the next few hours in quiet companionship, Kya filling Lin in on her latest travels and listening as the metalbender spoke about her job as the newly appointed Chief of Police. Guilt still came in waves; Kya wasn’t sure she deserved to spend such a pleasant evening when her family’s grief was so thick in the air, but she quashed it down. Perhaps she was being selfish yet again, but she rationalised that there was nothing she could do to be productive so late at night. And as for her own grief, wasn’t she the one to always say that everyone grieved differently?

It was well into the early hours of the morning when they had long abandoned their game of Pai Sho and were well on their way to finishing their second bottle of wine that Kya stretched and glanced towards the door,

“I suppose I should think about getting back to the island. ‘Zumi and her family are getting in tomorrow, it’s going to be a long day.”

Lin frowned at her, “Kya, there are no ferries this late at night.”

“Waterbender, remember?” Kya responded with a smirk, bending the wine in Lin’s glass into a dramatic swirl as if to prove her point. Lin still shook her head,

“You’re drunk and exhausted, I don’t think bending your way across is particularly wise. You can stay here — I’ll be going back early too, I can take you home.”

Kya grinned, “A police escort, huh? You really know how to make a girl feel special.” Lin just scoffed and stood to lead her to the guest room. She left Kya alone with a pile of towels in her arms, bidding her a good night as she slipped out of the room. Kya’s thoughts threatened to overwhelm her again now that she was left without company, but she forced herself to move towards the bed and at least attempt to get some sleep. The last thought she had before her body finally gave in to rest sounded suspiciously like her father’s jovial laugh.

A large dragon curled up on the cliffside informed them that Zuko and his family had already arrived as Lin and Kya docked their boat on the island. Kya immediately gravitated towards Izumi when they walked into the temple and Lin tried not to be jealous as she watched the waterbender practically cling to her ex-girlfriend. She left in search of Tenzin, who likely hadn’t left his room yet.

As the late Avatar, Aang was due to have a large, public funeral so that the entire world could grieve for him and say goodbye. His family, however had chosen to also have a small, private ceremony on the island that was just for them. It was filled with tearful goodbyes and emotional stories and continued late into the evening, when the mood turned slightly more positive as the group sat around the fire and laughed over shared memories. Toph was in the middle of telling a particularly animated story about a time she and Zuko had convinced Aang they were being attacked by flaming meteors when Lin found her opportunity to slip away. She had been pointedly ignoring her mom’s presence, mostly out of a selfish desire not to talk to her, but also so that she could keep the Beifong family drama out of an event that was supposed to be wholly about Aang. She caught Izumi's eye across the circle as she stood, and the future Firelord nodded in understanding, which Lin knew meant she would field questions about Lin's whereabouts if the topic came up. As two out of the three introverts in the group, they'd always had a mutual understanding to protect each other's quiet moments.

As she strolled without much purpose, Lin soon found herself in the gardens when she heard the unmistakable sound of splashing water. There were only two people on the island who could be responsible and, considering that Lin had left Katara with the rest of their group, she knew exactly who it would be. Sure enough, Kya was sat at the edge of the fountain with her feet dangling into the water, which she was commanding into gentle waves. Lin cleared her throat as she came up behind her and Kya visibly startled,

“Oh! Lin, you scared me.”

Lin apologised quietly and nodded towards the empty spot next to her, “Mind if I join you?”

Kya shook her head and Lin took another step, settling herself stiffly on the fountain edge. She sat the other way to Kya, refusing to spin and get her feet wet, so they stared in opposite directions in silence for a moment before Kya broke it,

“Mom’s moving back to the South.” Lin nodded and Kya took a shuddering breath, turning to meet her eye, “I’m going with her.”

The metalbender quirked an eyebrow, “That sounds awfully like settling down.”

Her words caused Kya to let out a surprised laugh that sounded almost genuine and Lin’s traitorous heart flipped with pride. “It’s probably about time, right?” Kya sighed again, turning back towards the water at her feet and focusing on spinning it into a tiny whirlpool, “I wasn’t there for my dad, I can’t– I have to be there for mom now.”

Lin studied Kya’s side profile, noting the determined set of her jaw and the frown lines that creased her forehead. “I’m proud of you.”

It was so quiet that Lin wouldn’t have been surprised if Kya heard it, but the gentle gasp her words elicited told her that she had. Kya turned her head and leaned into Lin, resting her head against the metalbender’s collarbone.

“You could always come visit, you know? Even the esteemed Chief of Police deserves a break.”

Lin floundered for what to say for a moment, selfishly glad that Kya couldn’t see her face and she didn’t have to confront the pained look that was sure to be present in Kya’s eyes. “I’ll write you,” she said eventually, her voice so soft that it was almost lost to the breeze. But when Kya shuffled closer to wrap her arms around her, Lin knew that her words had been heard and that, at least for now, they were enough.


	4. my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello friends, sorry for the slightly longer wait for this chapter!! izumi wasn't supposed to feature so much in this chapter, but honestly her friendship with lin is so important to me and i love her so much so i'm uuuhh not sorry about it.
> 
> trigger warnings for talking about infertility and a vague allusion to a miscarriage in this chapter. i don't go into any details, but it's there.

Kya paced behind her mother as Katara continued to read Tenzin’s letter aloud.

“How could he just drop Lin like that? For a child! After how many years they’ve been together he just throws it all away for some lovesick teenager?”

Katara twisted in her seat to face her daughter with a smile that was entirely too knowing. Kya briefly wondered what she was seeing that she herself didn’t before she resumed her pacing,

“I’ll kick his ass! I mean it this time, mom; he won’t know what’s hit him with the full moon coming up.”

The matriarch shook her head, lowing her eyes back down to the letter in her hands, “It seems like our Lin might have done enough all on her own.” She winced as she read the passage about the destruction of her beloved garden, passing the paper over to Kya so that she could read it for herself. Her daughter’s brow furrowed as she scanned the letter before depositing herself onto the vacant mat next to Katara.

“You and I both know that Tenzin doesn’t make the best decisions.” Kya scoffed, causing her mother to level her with a glare and a placating hand on the knee, “But it’s not our place to meddle.”

Truthfully, Katara was half tempted to march back to Republic City herself and smack Tenzin up the back of his head. She loved her children and would defend them fiercely to anyone, but Lin was also practically one of her own. Toph was many things, but an attentive parent was not one of them, so both Lin and Su had been frequent guests in her home and she had always strived to make them feel as welcome as possible. However, they were all adults now and Katara had to step back to let them make their own mistakes.

She was so lost in thought that she didn’t really notice that Kya had stood up again, her expression fierce and determined.

“Izumi’s going back to the city soon, I’ll ask her to drop in to check up on her.”

Kya swept out of the room and headed towards the telephone before her mother could so much as blink.

* * *

Even on a good day, a knock at Lin’s door was a rare, almost unprecedented occurrence. Her initial impulse was just to ignore it until whoever it was gave up and left, but then she realised that the only person it really could have been was Tenzin, and the opportunity to slam the door in his face was frankly too enticing. She pulled the door open with probably a bit too much force and barely had time to process that the soon-to-be Firelord was on her doorstep before Izumi had walked past her and was well on her way to finding glasses for the expensive-looking bottle of Sorghum liquor she had brought with her.

“Uh, hi Zumi?” Lin said as she followed her into the kitchen, leaning against the door frame. It had been a while since Izumi had been in the city and she always without fail made sure to inform Lin in advance. Izumi smiled sheepishly, having already lost the adrenaline rush she got from barging into Lin’s home.

“Kya told me about you and Tenzin,” She explained, studying Lin’s reaction carefully, “I thought you might appreciate some company. And alcohol.”

Lin’s brow creased further in what Izumi thought might be hurt, anger, frustration, or a mixture of all three. She wrinkled her nose, silently lamenting that she wasn’t particularly gifted at judging human emotions; Kya was the perceptive one out of all of them and Izumi had inherited her father’s lack of people skills.

Instead of saying anything in response, Lin simply pushed herself off of the door frame and moved to put an end to Izumi’s search, producing two glasses out of a cupboard that hadn’t been searched yet. She was hit by sudden déjà vu from two years prior, when Kya had stayed with her after Aang’s passing. She quickly pushed the memory aside, lest she be overcome by emotion again at the thought of her friend whose brother had she had been foolish enough to date. What would Kya think of her now, would she even want to talk to her again now that everyone knew she hadn’t been enough for Tenzin?

“I saw the island as I flew over — your handiwork, I assume?”

Lin winced; she had spent the last few days debating whether or not to send a few earthbenders across to assist with the clean-up, her pride and guilty conscious having taken over once her initial anger and embarrassment wore off. “Beifongs aren’t exactly known for their reasonable reactions.” She responded drily, without any real humour in her voice. Izumi was not perturbed as she swiped a glass of liquor off the counter and retreated to sit at the dining table.

“It sounds entirely justified, in my opinion. Though that will have to stay between us, I can’t have the Fire Nation being seen to take sides in a war against the Air Nomads.” She wiggled her eyebrows beneath the frame of her glasses and Lin found herself chuckling despite her sour mood.

“There will be no war, I should hope he knows better than that.” It still hurt, to talk about Tenzin, so she hurried to change the subject, “Don’t tell me you came all the way to Republic City to see me?”

Izumi sipped from her glass and shook her head at the same time, causing the liquid to slosh dangerously close to the edge. Lin knew that Kya would have laughed at her and twisted her finger to let it splash her on the nose. “No, no, don’t worry. I have a meeting with the council on Friday.” Lin opened her mouth to question why that meant she had arrived on a Wednesday, but Izumi beat her to it with a knowing laugh, “I _did_ , however, come a day early to see you. You caught me. How are you doing?”

Lin grunted, expecting the question and well-equipped to evade it, “I have a city to protect and a police force to run, so I refuse to waste time lamenting over what was inevitable.” At Izumi’s disbelieving glare, she scoffed, “I’m _fine_ , Zumi.”

The future Firelord’s expression did not waver, but she decided to say nothing. Pushing Lin Beifong to talk about her emotions was a horrible idea, something she had learned the hard way when they were children and she had tried to tease the earthbender about her crush on Tenzin. Kya would likely berate her for her lack of detail when she reported back to her, but she supposed that it was what she deserved for sending an introvert on a recon mission. Lin and herself had always enjoyed an easy friendship of mutual understanding and comfortable silences; while they regularly confided in each other about their professional lives, deep emotional conversations were not what they came to each other for. She supposed, however, that hers might be the Lin’s only real friendship with someone not related to her ex, and therefore the only one that was not complicated by their breakup. That thought served to make her all the more determined not to push the metalbender; changing the nature of their friendship by asking too many questions would probably cause Lin to lash out and shut down at a time when what she really needed was stability.

She knew she’d made the right decision when she started confiding in Lin about her concerns for the upcoming council meeting and watched her friend visibly deflate with relief. The rest of the evening passed in much the same manner as most of Izumi’s visits, the two of them advising each other about their respective jobs over expensive Fire Nation liquor until she had to get back to her hotel before the guards sent out a search party. Lin was a lot more visibly tense and guarded than she usually was and, if Izumi didn’t know her so well, she would assume that she was on the verge of tears. But she’d never seen Lin cry, not even in their youth, and she was sure that she wasn’t suddenly about to start at the ripe age of 35. It concerned her slightly, knowing that her friend was repressing her emotions in a way that was surely quite far removed from healthy, but she had decided that her role was to provide Lin with some normality, not a shoulder to cry on. That was a job Kya would probably be determined to take on.

Unlike her preceding visits, Izumi leant forward to capture Lin in a hug as they said their goodbyes. She felt her friend tense for a few moments before giving in to the comfort and allowing her hands to come up to rest on her back. Izumi pulled back and held onto her forearms, making her promise to come out for drinks with her on Friday night before she returned to her life as a future world leader and mother and only releasing her hold when Lin begrudgingly agreed.

Once back at the hotel, Izumi wasted little time reaching for the telephone, sure that Kya would be pacing at the other end. To her surprise however, it was Katara who picked up. When she asked for Kya, having exchanged pleasantries and answered the waterbender’s questions about Lin, she was met only with a laugh,

“I should think you’ll be seeing Kya shortly — she took off early this morning and I have no doubt where she’s headed. Do make sure she doesn’t rough my son up too much, won’t you?”

Izumi shook her head with a smile, wondering not for the first time whether there was more to Kya’s feelings for Lin than just friendship.

* * *

Kya looked down at the platinum key in her hand, hesitating for the first time since she had left the South. Lin had given it to her as they’d said goodbye after her father’s funeral with a stammered explanation that Kya was always welcome to stay with her when she was in the city. The waterbender had used it numerous times in the two years since, now preferring to stay with Lin in her comfortable, quiet apartment as opposed to the island she’d grown up on. She told the earthbender that it was mostly because her spare bed was infinitely more comfortable than the slabs at the temple, but truthfully the company was ten times more appealing than simple furniture.

While she usually took full advantage of said key and had never had a problem just waltzing into Lin’s apartment any time she fancied, she was suddenly all too aware that Lin might not actually want to see her. She was unfortunately related to the man who’d broken her heart, after all. Though, still vibrating with the nervous energy that had fuelled her journey so far, Kya decided that that was actually all the more reason to just plough on as normal. She shoved the key into the lock and pushed the door open before she could talk herself out of it, but no sooner had she opened her mouth to call out for Lin than she collided with the metalbender herself. She let out a startled yelp,

“Wha– Lin! What are you doing lurking behind your door?”

“I could feel you standing there for ages, what are you doing here?”

Kya took a moment to consider Lin carefully before she responded, allowing herself the time to drink her in. She was carrying obvious tension in her shoulders and her aura was murky and dark; while she usually stood firm and confident, the Lin in front of her was shifting her weight from foot to foot almost anxiously. Kya fought to keep pity or sympathy from leaking onto her facial expression, knowing that it would only serve to frustrate Lin and raise her guard even further.

“I came to see you, duh. Should have known better than to send Firedork to get me information.”

Lin floundered, still trying to process the waterbender’s sudden appearance in her living room at two in the morning, “You- sent Izumi for what?”

Kya only shook her head, moving further into the apartment as if she owned the place. Lin’s heart swelled slightly as she watched her friend drop her bag and start to put on a pot of tea, the sight so heartachingly domestic that for a fleeting moment it felt like Kya had come home to her.

“I wanted to come myself, but mom thought you might need some space. I got restless though, sorry.” She added almost sheepishly, acknowledging that she had shown up in the middle of the night as she nodded at the full moon that shone brightly through the window. As she waited for the water to heat, Kya reached for her bag and pulled out various boxes of Lin’s favourite foods that Katara had sent her off with, stepping around the kitchen with easy familiarity, “Tenzin’s an idiot, you know that right? I think he’s an airbender because that’s all that’s in his skill half the damn time. Bumi and I have a whole list of pranks that we’ve been saving up for a special occasion, don’t you worry. Like we have this one idea, where we sneak into airhead’s room at night with a bunch of paint and- oh, hey! Don’t cry, why are you crying?”

Lin gasped and spun around to hide her face, rapidly wiping at her face with the sleeve of the jumper she was wearing. Kya was hovering at her back immediately and Lin felt her gentle touch rest against her lower back. The quiet gesture of support embarrassingly enough just made her cry even harder, so Kya spun her around so that she could hug her properly; Lin allowed herself a moment of weakness as she buried her face in Kya’s neck and brought her arms up to wrap around the taller woman’s midsection. If Kya was surprised, she didn’t show it.

The tea kettle whistled loudly and Lin reached out with her bending to move it off of the stove since she wasn’t quite ready to give up the comfort of Kya’s warm arms. The waterbender chuckled lightly, disturbing the short hairs around Lin’s ear, and twisted her wrist against Lin’s back to bend the water from the kettle into the cups waiting on the counter. After a minute or so, Lin came back to herself and started to pull away, but Kya wouldn’t let her.

“You know you’re just as much a part of our family as he is, right?”

Lin huffed in disbelief, her breath hot against the crook of Kya's neck, “He’s your brother, Kya.”

“And I will always love him, despite his moronic tendencies.” Lin laughed despite herself and felt Kya smile against the top of her head. The taller woman continued, “But I grew up just as close with you. And Izumi and Su. You’re my family too and no matter what happens I’ll always be there for you too. And I know Bumi feels the same. And mom. We love you, Lin, that’s never going to change.”

Tears soaked the shoulder of Kya’s dress as they flowed from Lin’s eyes freely now that she was too overcome with emotion to stop them. Kya said nothing and merely squeezed her tighter, letting her take all of the comfort and support that she needed from their embrace. This time, however, when Lin moved to pull away after a while, the waterbender acquiesced.

“I think our tea’s going to be stewed.” Lin pointed out, laughing when Kya’s eyes widened.

“Oh shoot, this was the last of my supply! Izumi didn’t happen to come bearing gifts, did she?”

Lin laughed, stepping out of Kya’s space towards the cupboard that was now fully stocked with Iroh’s special blend. She watched from the corner of her eye as the healer pulled out a pot and got to work reheated a large portion of what smelled like five-flavour soup. Kya shrugged when she noticed Lin watching,

“Mom wanted to make sure you were eating.”

Lin started to say that she _had_ eaten, but they would have both known that she was lying. They moved around each other in the kitchen as if they had always done so, as if this was their nightly routine. Once Lin had brewed fresh tea and Kya had bent out two generous portions of soup, they withdrew to the living room, where Lin chose to sit on the floor and eat from the coffee table as sat on the plush couch with her feet tucked under herself. As the soup in her bowl swirled precariously, she laughed in deference to Lin’s scowl and promised that she would be able to save herself from any potential spillages with her bending. This did very little to placate the owner of the couch, but Lin chose to say nothing.

They ate in relative silence save for pleasant small talk; Lin asked Kya about her journey and the older woman had blushed through a stammered explanation of how she had gotten there so quickly, powered by the full moon. It was heart-stutteringly endearing. When Lin stood to clear up, Kya groaned in protest that it could wait until the morning. She reached up without moving from her spot on the couch so that she could gently tug on the metalbender’s wrist. To both of their surprise, Lin relented and allowed herself to be pulled to sit next to Kya.

“How are you doing, really?” Kya asked, her voice gentle and quiet, dripping with care, “I know being angry at him is easiest, but it’s not usually the best way to deal with things.”

With most people, Lin would be affronted and would bark back a retort that she had every right to be angry. But she knew that wasn’t the intent behind Kya’s question and that, even though she was attempting to push Lin to talk about her emotions, she would never probe too deep or take it too far.

“I should have seen it coming.” Lin quickly raised her hand when she saw Kya about to protest, “I mean, we’d had the same fight so many times I think we were just kidding ourselves that something might magically change. I just can’t believe he would- with a _child_.”

If she hadn’t had been so focused on her friend, Kya probably would have found the humour in Lin making the same comment about Pema’s age as she had when she found out.

“Yeah, he’s an asshole. No matter what was going on in your relationship he had no right to cheat.”

Lin shook her head, loosening a few of the rapidly greying strands around her face, “I don’t want children, I never have. I knew the Air Nation always comes first, but I ignored it and now I’m reaping the rewards for my stubbornness.”

“Tenzin wanting kids doesn’t warrant _cheating_ on you, Lin. That’s not your fault.” Kya ducked her head slightly so that she could look Lin in the eyes, willing her to believe the words. Lin looked away and both of their hearts ached.

“I don’t just not want them, I _can’t_.” The earthbender confessed, her head hung low to avoid Kya’s gaze. “I was-“ Lin choked on the words, unable to admit out loud that her previous pregnancy had been real, “I went to a different healer, they told me I’m infertile.”

“Oh, Lin.” Kya breathed out, her voice thick with emotion, “Why didn’t you come to me? Or mom?”

“Because it changed _everything_.” Lin’s voice was slightly panicked now, and she didn’t know whether it was the memories or just the fear of Kya’s reaction, but she couldn’t stop the words from coming out now that she had started to open up, “Tenzin, he always looked at me with such pity after that, and I knew that it was only a matter of time before he cut me loose. He’d been so desperate to fix it somehow, like I was broken. But I didn’t want to, I _don’t_ want to, I-“

“Hey.” Kya gently interrupted just as Lin’s breathing started to become more frantic, capturing the metalbender’s rough hands with both of her own. “You are _not_ broken, there is nothing wrong with you. Tenzin, he-“ She sighed, “He’s under a lot of pressure. But he had no right to guilt you with it or use it to get you to live the life he wants. You deserve so much better than that, Lin, and one day someone will see that much better than my moronic baby brother.”

Lin scoffed, dismayed that the sound came out rather more pitiful than she would have hoped, “That seems unlikely.”

“You’re right.” Kya said with a mock serious tone that caused Lin’s head to drop even further, “You’re way too good for everyone else, there’s no one out there who I’d ever deem worthy to be loved by someone so brave, and smart, and funny, and loyal, and-“

“Alright, alright, enough.” Lin protested, but from her side profile Kya could tell that a pleased blush had spread across her cheeks and her lips were pulled up in what could almost be a smile. Then she turned to finally look at Kya again with an earnest expression that Kya realised might just be a Beifong’s interpretation of adoration, and the healer was hit by the sudden and terrifying urge to kiss her.

She fought to keep shock and panic off of her face, knowing it would cause Lin to shrink into herself once again, as she processed this development. Sure, she’d meant every word she’d said, but she had never realised just how deeply. When had that happened? How had she found the time to develop a crush on the woman who not only lived halfway across the world to her, but also up until recent events had been dating her younger brother? In the interest of self-preservation, Kya usually made a habit of not harbouring feelings for people that had shown her no interest — she’d had far too many embarrassing rejections throughout the years and she thought herself much to old now to be chasing people without at least some kind of hint that it wouldn’t be an entirely fruitless endeavour. But affection for the woman in front of her had somehow snuck its way in, ignoring all of the rules, without her knowledge until she suddenly felt like she was drowning in Lin’s brown eyes and her gentle, secret smile.

Lin’s head tilted, considering her, and Kya was snapped back to the present. Her friend was here, vulnerable and heartbroken, trusting her with her closely guarded emotions, and all Kya was thinking about was her own selfish impulse. She couldn’t betray her trust like that — Lin deserved better and what she really needed in that moment was a friend.

“I think you might be the only person who sees me like that.” Lin all but mumbled, averting her eyes from Kya’s gaze again. Kya swallowed the desire to grab Lin by the shoulders and do everything in her power to make her believe that she was worthy of love. She knew that Lin would only be made more uncomfortable with the attention.

“Then I guess you’re stuck with me.” The waterbender squeezed the hands that were still cupped between both of her own and sighed happily when Lin twisted her wrists, interlocking their fingers properly. Now so close to her friend’s face, Kya noticed that Lin’s right eye was slightly scrunched up.

“Are you okay, does your face hurt?”

Lin felt cracked open under Kya’s scrutiny, but after all that she had shared this evening she supposed there was really no point lying about this either, “I get pain in my cheek sometimes. Nerve damage, apparently, for being too bull pig-headed to see a healer right away.”

Kya uncapped her waterskin, “Let me help?” When Lin nodded her consent, Kya carefully guided her to lie down across the couch so that her head was in her lap. Once she was in position, Kya bent a small amount of water, cooled it slightly, and moved her hand to work against the side Lin’s face. The earthbender closed her eyes in relief.

“Is it always painful?”

“Not always. Usually it’s manageable, it only really flares up when I’m stressed or if it’s particularly cold.”

Kya hummed sympathetically in response as she worked. It’s Lin who breaks the silence by asking after Kya’s travel plans. Kya granted her the distraction and entertained her with details of her plans in Omashu before she eventually headed back home.

“You should stay for the weekend at least, Izumi’s forcing me to take her for drinks.”

Kya snorted at the image of her two hopelessly awkward friends at a bar, complaining about the noise levels, or the stickiness, or whatever they could find to wrinkle their noses at. “Now _that_ , I have to see. But don’t worry, I’m planning to stay for a few weeks, at least. Unless you get sick of me.” She added the last part as a joke, but it came out quieter and more timid than she had anticipated. Lin moved her hand to rest on top of the one Kya wasn’t using to tend to her face, the gesture instantly serving its purpose to reassure the waterbender.

“I like your company. I’m always sad to see you go.” Lin’s voice was slightly slurred, thick with the sleep that she was clearly fighting. She didn’t even seem fully aware that she had said anything, certainly nothing so vulnerable, but it caused Kya’s heart to leap in her chest, that Lin trusted her with her emotions in a way she never did with anyone else.

“Y-“ Kya began, but stopped herself short from once again inviting Lin to come away with her. From the way that Lin’s eyes opened and met her own intensely, however, she was sure that the metalbender somehow knew. Kya had always felt like her piercing stare saw right through her, perhaps that’s what had made her such a good detective. The implied invitation hung between them, heavy in the air. Kya couldn’t bring herself to actually say the words, knew that her fragile heart couldn’t take the rejection again. Selfishly too, while she longed for Lin’s company in whatever capacity, she was also vaguely terrified of her new revelation about her feelings towards the younger woman and her instinct to run away from them was burning in her veins.

Lin smiled sadly and let her eyes drift shut, “I’ll always be here whenever you come home.”

 _Home_. Kya had struggled with that concept all her life, never once feeling like she had found somewhere befitting the label. Even now, living in one place for so long alongside her mother, the word still felt foreign on her tongue. Hearing it fall from Lin’s lips so casually hit her with a warmth that she had never felt before, a glow in her chest that instantly quelled her desire to bolt; she’d always lived her life like the ocean, trying to flow everywhere all at once, never stopping still, always moving. But all at once she found herself crashing against the shore, hitting stable earth and never wanting to leave again. It was both terrifying and tempting.

After a while, Lin’s expression seemed much calmer and the tension she was carrying seemed to have eased up, so Kya slowly bent the water back into its container. When she looked back down at Lin, she realised that she had fallen asleep. Kya sighed, her hand coming up to card through the younger woman’s hair without her even realising; Lin looked so peaceful in her sleep.

The angle she was sat at wasn’t particularly comfortable and she knew that she would pay for it tomorrow with an aching neck if she fell asleep there, but she couldn’t bring herself to move Lin when she looked so comfortable.

“Ten minutes,” She muttered to herself under her breath, resolving that she would let Lin rest for that long before she tried to move and risked waking her. But then the metalbender shifted in her sleep and rolled onto her side, burying her face into Kya’s stomach with a contented sigh. Kya didn’t dare move a muscle.


	5. hell was the journey but it brought me heaven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took me so long, but it's the longest chapter by far so i hope it was worth the wait? idk what happened i just got very emotional about them and the thoughts kept coming.
> 
> this also is the biggest time jump between chapters, there's fifteen years between the last chapter and this one. i hope it's not too jarring, but just imagine the pining from the last chapter building up for all that time until it turns into...well, this.
> 
> there are a couple descriptions of a panic attack in here, so please be cautious of that. i don't go into much detail, but i thought it would be worth a mention in case that's something anyone is uncomfortable reading!

Ever since Lin could remember, her feet being planted firmly on the ground was the one stable thing she could always rely on for comfort. It was how her mother saw the world and, while Lin had never had to rely on her bending in the same way her mother did, it had always been her safety net, a way of seeing things that was unique to her family.

But as she paced outside the room where Katara was currently trying to restore Korra’s bending, every step felt more and more painful. Eventually she forced herself to sit down, but it took everything she had not to jump back up again. Lin had never been a physically restless person — she never fidgeted or fiddled — but she couldn’t seem to remain still; to make matters worse, she could feel Tenzin’s pitying eyes on her, likely recognising her uncharacteristic mannerisms, and it made her skin crawl. He used to joke that she was so good at meditation because she was able to sit completely still like a rock, and sometimes she would coat herself in earth armour just to make him laugh when he opened his eyes and saw her. Those days had never felt so distant.

The door slid open and Lin jumped to her feet, trying not to show any signs of emotion. Everyone was there waiting to hear about Korra’s bending, not hers. That didn’t matter, not compared to the Avatar.

“But you’re the best healer in the world, you have to keep trying.” Her words came out as desperate and they reveal too much, but she couldn’t have stopped them even if she tried. Lin was regularly understood to be a pessimist, an overly logical thinker who always had to have a plan for everything. But she had allowed herself to hope, had forced herself to cling to that one tiny shred of optimism to avoid the cloying panic that was starting to settle in her gut. Her bending was gone. It wasn’t coming back.

She heard Tenzin tell Korra that everything would be okay. She silently agreed with the Avatar when she told him it wouldn’t.

The air was bracingly cold when she stepped outside and Lin was reminded not for the first time of her mother. They had only visited the South Pole a few times when Lin was younger, but she vividly remembered Toph complaining about every conceivable thing to anyone who was unfortunate enough to possess the sense of hearing in her presence. While earth was unwavering, ice was unstable and ever changing; it had unnerved Lin greatly, even if not to the same extent as her mother. It was almost comforting now, however, to know that she wouldn’t have been able to use her bending even if it hadn’t been taken away from her. She could pretend that the reason she couldn’t feel the ground calling out to her from under her feet was the same reason why her breath was coming out in visible puffs, and that her fingers were tingling only from the numbing cold and not from the lack of their usual sensation. With this in mind, she merely shoved her hands into the pockets of her too-thin coat and set off without any sense of direction or purpose.

The thick blanket of snow that covered every surface made it harder to walk, but it at least gave her mind something to concentrate on; she easily lost her footing whenever her mind wandered, so she occupied herself by focusing exclusively on putting one foot in front of the other. People would no doubt be looking for her, they hadn’t even discussed where everyone would be staying and she supposed they would need to carefully plan their next moves, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. What use would she be, anyway, a Chief of Police with no bending?

She heard the crunching of snow beneath rhythmic footsteps as someone approached her from behind, but she didn’t bother to slow her pace or even turn around. Kya remained silent save for a quick greeting as she caught up and fell into step next to her, navigating through the snow with practiced ease. Lin considered that, for a waterbender, walking on snow was probably a lot like how she used to feel when walking on solid earth. She quietly seethed with sick envy.

She reasoned that she shouldn’t have been surprised that Kya would be the one to seek her out; Tenzin was too afraid of her sour moods and everyone else was more concerned over Korra than her. But all the same, she hadn’t seen Kya in person for at least five years now and her presence never failed to rouse butterflies in the pit of her stomach. Lin had long since given up trying to wish that her feelings towards the healer would disappear and instead had shifted her focus towards just ensuring that they remained hidden. Distance often made it easier — even if her heart did stutter every time she received a letter marked with Kya’s familiar handwriting — but it had the unfortunate side effect of making their infrequent time together all the more impactful. Whenever she thought that she had a handle on her feelings, Kya would waltz in through her front door and nestle herself right back into Lin’s heart as if she never truly left. It angered Lin sometimes, how easily Kya could just bulldoze her way into her life without any regard for how disruptive her appearances might be, but really she had to admit that the person she was truly angry at was herself, for not being able to voice her feelings or, at the very least, push Kya away before either of them got hurt. Lin was someone who had to have a plan for everything, who had to analyse every possible outcome, so the constant “what ifs” were unceasingly frustrating. But still, every time she thought about telling Kya how she felt, hot panic bubbled in her throat at the idea of being rejected and her words died in her throat.

She sensed Kya studying her side profile and felt her cheeks warm under the attention, grateful that she could blame that also on the cold.

“Lin, you must be freezing, can we go inside?” Kya’s voice was gentle and cautious, as if she were addressing a child. That too made Lin angry, but she gritted her teeth and quashed that feeling down. Anger was her default in any situation when she wasn’t able to process her emotions, but Kya had always seen right through her. It would only be a waste of both of their time to fight. Besides, she realised as her entire body trembled, she really was starting to feel the effects of the cold.

Kya took the almost imperceptible nod of Lin’s head as a yes and reached out to tenderly wrap her fingers around her wrist. She lightly tugged them in the direction of her house and Lin tried not to think too much about how Kya’s touch was the only spot of warmth that she could feel as she allowed herself to be dragged along. Once inside, she watched as Kya made quick work of lighting a fire and piling blankets onto the couch, not even processing that she’d barely moved from the threshold until the waterbender was back at her side, tugging at her wrist again to get her to move into the warmth. She sat heavily in a daze, watching silently again as Kya moved across the living space towards the kitchen to make tea. She wanted to call out to her, to ask her to stay by her side and never leave, but she stayed silent. Whether it was cowardice or the fact that she was simply too numb to even form words she did not know, but she silently berated herself for it nonetheless.

Kya returned with a tray after a few minutes, by which point the feeling had returned to Lin’s fingertips and she was no longer shuddering so forcefully. She pressed a cup into Lin’s hands before she sat at the opposite end of the couch; Lin realised that the distance was probably for her own comfort, which she appreciated, but at the same time she longed to pull Kya closer to her. She recoiled from physical affection in almost all settings, but with Kya it always served to actually bring her an odd sense of peace that she’d never been able to accurately name. Both of her hands curled around the warmth of the cup instead, however, and she stared down into the swirling liquid. The tea twirled around in the cup as it settled, reminding Lin of the twisting feeling in her gut, the sick anxiety that hadn’t left her since Amon’s thumb had pressed against her forehead and stripped her of her element. Suddenly the warmth of Kya’s plush sofa was replaced with the cold, hard earth that she had collapsed onto when he’d let her go. The air was no longer filled with incense, but with acrid rain. Her breathing came out in ragged, shallow puffs and she screwed her eyes shut, willing the vivid flashback to disappear as quickly as it came. She didn’t even register deft fingers prising the teacup out of her hands and coming up to take a hold of her face, couldn’t hear Kya’s gentle voice as she tried to coax her back to the present.

Kya slid to her knees in front of her friend and made quick work of finding the latches in Lin’s armour so that she could pull the constricting metal off of her chest and make it easier for her to breath. The younger woman’s eyes finally opened again and her panicked gaze landed on Kya, who only smiled reassuringly, “Just focus on your breathing, darling. That’s it, just breathe with me.” Kya could tell the moment when Lin returned to herself, because she immediately tried to squirm out of her grasp and shrink into herself; she allowed her to put the distance between them even though she wanted nothing more than to hold on to her tightly. The waterbender shifted backwards to sit on the low coffee table behind her so that she was still facing Lin, but at least a little more comfortable.

“I’m sorry.” Lin mumbled, still avoiding Kya’s gaze. The older woman almost laughed at the ridiculousness of the unwarranted apology, but her concern was still too tangible. She couldn’t stop herself however from reaching out to swipe Lin’s tears away with her thumbs, gently caressing her cheeks almost reverently. A quiet stuttered gasp escaped from Lin’s lips at the contact; no one was ever allowed to come that close to her, especially when it came to her face. No one else had ever been permitted to touch the scars that lay across her cheek — even Tenzin had been swatted away every time his hand even got close to them. But Kya had never even had to break through Lin’s walls; it was like they had been constructed around her too, leaving her on the inside when the rest of the world was shut off, staring at Lin with knowing eyes and a soft smile that the younger woman just couldn’t resist. Usually Lin shied away from these feelings towards Kya and pretended they didn’t exist, but now it was a welcome distraction, a warmth to fill the aching void in her chest.

“You don’t have to apologise.” Kya held Lin’s gaze for a few moments, hoping that her words would sink in, before she leaned backwards to reach for the cup she had taken from the police officer. She offered it to Lin, who was immediately grateful to have something to occupy her hands with and an excuse to avoid eye contact. Kya took that as a hint to move the conversation along, “Can I help you with your arm? That looks like a pretty nasty bruise.”

Lin looked down at her shoulder, recognising it as the point of impact when she’d struck the ground, flung to the side by Amon as if she were nothing. She shook her head, “It’s fine, it’s nothing.”

Kya tilted her head, “Lin, really, it won’t take long and you’ll be much more comfortable.” She pulled the cap off of her waterskin, but made no further movements as Lin continued to shake her head.

“I said it’s fine, I’m fine,” Lin snapped through gritted teeth, still staring down into the now-cold tea in her hands. She heard Kya immediately start to protest and jerked her head back up to glare at the older woman, “ _ Enough _ , Kya! Unless you can miraculously bring my bending back, I really don’t care about some stupid bruise.” Her voice was raised in anger now and it caused Kya to flinch, shock plain on her face. Lin stared her down, but Kya refused to look away, her expression never wavering from concern once the initial shock wore off. Lin knew it was more than she deserved and guilt bloomed in her chest as she realised that she was shouting at the only person who cared enough about her wellbeing to seek her out, but she couldn’t bring herself to fix it; it felt good to be angry, no matter how misplaced it was, and she could handle that much better than the loss she had been feeling over the past few days.

Kya ached for the woman sat across from her, but she struggled to produce words that might be adequate. She couldn’t even begin to imagine what Lin was going through and nothing she could say or do felt like enough. They sat in silence for a minute, Lin’s outburst still thick in the air, before Kya felt like her friend might have calmed enough not to snap at her again.

“I know there’s nothing I can do to help how you’re feeling. And I’m sorry, spirits Lin I am  _ so _ sorry. But I can do this one tiny thing that might help, so please let me?” She was almost certain that Lin would brush her off again and that her words sounded too desperate; they gave so much away, making it so devastatingly obvious that, at some point in the past few years, her heart had leapt from her chest and right into Lin’s hands. She wasn’t used to feeling so helpless. Sure she loved helping people, it was her main motivation in life as a healer after all, but she had never felt such a frantic and pressing urge to do anything she could to ease someone’s pain. To both of their surprise, Lin relented with a subtle nod. Kya wasted no more time and covered her hands in a thin layer of water, gently pressing them to the younger woman’s shoulder.

Lin felt the now familiar pulse of healing energy settle over her skin as the previous ache began to dissipate. She had been healed by waterbenders more times than she could count, but somehow Kya’s touch always felt different, even stronger somehow. Perhaps it was just her imagination, her foolish crush causing her to envision things that weren’t there, but she remembered something Katara had told her once; when you heal with love, you wield more power than even the spirits themselves. She had bounced a young Lin on her knee as she told her the story of how she had brought Aang back to life, spurred on by her love for him, and Lin had sat in awe of the way that love could manifest in a person’s bending. She remembered asking Aang what he thought and he had told that he felt love like the wind, how he thought everything seemed lighter when he channelled love into his practices. Zuko had told her that he felt more balanced and powerful when he held love in his chest, that his flames burned brighter and with more focus. Lin had wondered if love manifested in earthbending too, but Toph had laughed and told her not to listen to “the saps.”

Kya’s hands moved to the side of her neck, drawing Lin’s attention back to the present. The waterbender tilted her head, her eyes dancing with a question and Lin understood immediately, nodding her consent for Kya to heal the scrapes on her face as she tried not to breathe. When had Kya’s face gotten so close to hers? She closed her eyes and focused just on the feeling of the healing touch, wondering again if there was some truth to Katara’s previous words. But that would mean that Kya loved her and, although Lin’s reckless heart flipped in her chest at the possibility, she reminded herself that she was just projecting. Kya’s bending felt different because she  _ was _ different, she was special and she was precious to her. Lin felt the waterbender’s fingers brush the length of the twin scars her sister had left on her face,

“I don’t think you’ll be able to heal those, after all these years.”

Kya hummed, not losing focus from her task, “Yes, but I remember you saying they ached when you’re cold.” Lin was fairly certain every bone had left her body and she had melted nothing more than a puddle.

Kya leaned back out of Lin’s personal space once she was done, bending the water back into its container. Lin felt her shift and opened her eyes, clearing her throat awkwardly,

“Um, thanks.” It didn’t feel like enough, for Kya’s support ran deeper than healing bruises on the surface, but there was nothing else Lin felt that she could say. She already felt cracked open and raw, saying anything more would show far too much of her fragile heart. Kya’s smile in response was understanding and implausibly fond,

“You’re welcome. You’re staying with me while you’re here, by the way. I was supposed to take Bolin and Mako too, but I managed to persuade mom you’d want your space.”

Lin felt herself relax a little bit further, knowing that her time alone with Kya was safe. She was the only person to ever see right through Lin’s carefully constructed façade and get away with it and, unlike with anyone else, Lin actually felt comforted by the fact that Kya knew so much about her. Because she knew almost all of her darkest secrets and was miraculously still here, looking at her like she hung the moon.

“Well, as much space as my apartment allows,” Kya continued with a slight laugh, trying to fill the silence left by Lin’s lack of response. “We can’t all live in fancy penthouses in the city, I’m afraid.”

Lin winced at the mention of her apartment, the city that she didn’t feel like she had a place in anymore. Kya moved to stand, muttering something about making dinner, and Lin’s heart lurched in panic as she reached out to hold on to the waterbender’s wrist.

“Don’t. Can you just stay, just for a bit?” She didn’t even recognise her own voice, so unused to being so openly vulnerable and asking anyone for anything. Kya looked down at her, startled, but immediately sat down — not on the coffee table as she had been, but on the couch right next to Lin. The younger woman let out a huff of frustration as she felt hot tears burning in the back of her eyes and pathetic words clump up in her throat, but it was easier to voice them now that Kya was no longer looking directly at her. She leaned forwards and rested her elbows on her knees, staring down at her feet.

“I don’t know what use I am to anyone anymore.”

Kya was sure she felt her heart shatter at the words of the broken woman sitting next to her. “Oh honey,” she breathed out, shifting even closer so that their thighs were pressed together and reaching out to rub what she hoped were soothing circles between Lin’s shoulder blades. “You are desperately important to so many people. You are selfless, and strong, and braver than anyone I’ve ever met, none of which comes from your bending.” Kya took another steadying breath, trying to form the words she thought might be the ones Lin needed to hear. She knew she had a habit of rambling and being vague, but here she needed to be direct. “People don’t respect you because of what you can do, they respect you because you’re an incredible leader. That’s who you are, Lin, losing your bending won’t change that. Besides, we grew up being trained by the Kyoshi warriors! You don’t need bending to be the badass chief we all know and love, if that’s what you want.”

Lin raised her head and craned her neck backwards to look at Kya, shocked by how earnest her expression was. It would have been easy for her to scoff at her words and brush them off as Kya just trying to placate her, but one look in the waterbender’s brown eyes told her that everything she said was with the utmost conviction. She didn’t even feel her own body twisting around until she had leaned forwards to press her lips against Kya’s in a desperate search for comfort. The contact was slightly more forceful than she might have intended and it pushed the waterbender back against the cushions of the couch, but Kya took it in her stride, reaching out to hold Lin steady with her hands on her hips. Every alarm in her brain was going off, telling her to put a stop to this, that this wasn’t the right time, but she had wanted this for the better part of fifteen years and it was easier said than done. Lin tilted her head to deepen the kiss and Kya subconsciously let out a tiny whine at the passion she was currently overwhelmed by. Her hands were still resting on Lin’s hips and she pushed slightly, breaking the kiss before she became too swept up in it. She tried desperately to catch her breath, but Lin just moved her attention to her jawline, kissing her way up to a spot behind Kya’s ear that always caused her knees to buckle.

“Lin,” she muttered, pushing harder against the other woman’s hips. Lin hummed against the skin of her neck before she acquiesced and pulled away to meet Kya’s eyes. The waterbender almost lost her nerve when she saw the fierce look that Lin levelled her with, but she held firm. “We can’t– this isn’t the right time.”

She watched with dread as Lin went rigid and cold and she hurried to fix it as the other woman tried to put distance between them. She reached up to take Lin’s face in her hands, swiping her thumb against her cheeks, “I’m not rejecting you, I promise. I’m not going anywhere, I just…you’re not in a good place and I would be taking advantage of that if we continue.”

Lin scoffed, shrugging Kya’s hands off of her face, “I am perfectly capable of making decisions for myself, Kya.”

“I know you are; I’m not saying you aren’t,” Kya was quick to clarify, “but you have a long journey ahead of you and it wouldn’t be healthy to start anything right now. I want to be there for you, but I think at least for now, I need to do that as your friend. Does that make sense?”

Lin wanted to argue, to tell Kya that she’d been in love with her since before she even knew what that meant, that she wasn’t just doing this because she was in search of consolation, but the words didn’t come. Instead she was dismayed to feel hot tears welling up again and she quickly lowered her head as if it might hide them from Kya. The healer reached out to tuck a loose strand of hair back behind her ear and Lin felt herself almost shatter at the tenderness of the touch; she realised that Kya wasn’t pushing her away, but was in fact treating her with respect she wasn’t even sure she deserved. Lin had practically shoved her fragile heart into Kya’s hands and she was promising to keep it safe.

“I’m sorry.” Her cheeks burned with embarrassment, her blush only getting worse when Kya’s hands moved back up to her face.

“You have nothing to apologise for. One of us was bound to break after all these years of sexual tension, hmm?” Kya’s eyes sparkled with mirth and Lin let out a breathy laugh as she leaned forward to rest their foreheads together. As much as she was hurting right now, her burden was made lighter by the acknowledgement that she hadn’t invented something in her head. Because Kya had felt it too and it wasn’t one-sided.

Kya sighed in relief that Lin wasn’t pulling away from her, her heart swelling with happiness as she even heard her laugh. She had never felt this strongly for another person and it was terrifying, but Lin made it all worth it.

* * *

They settled into a routine over the next few days and every waking moment proved to Lin that Kya had been right. She was relying on her for comfort and support and that wasn’t any way to start a relationship.

Not a moment passed when Lin didn’t feel what was rapidly becoming a familiar sense of aimlessness, but the days were easy enough to get through; Kya had lots of theories about potentially using bloodbending to reverse the damage Amon had done, so they passed their time searching for what little information there was on the subject. There wasn’t much that they could do, with there being so long until the next full moon, but Kya refused to be deterred. Lin tried desperately not to get her hopes up, but the older woman’s determination was infectious and hard not to get swept up in.

Night-time was a completely different story, however. Lin regularly woke up in a cold sweat, pulled from an all too vivid recollection of Amon’s face and the feeling of her connection to the earth being severed. After two nights of this, Kya confronted her over their game of Pai Sho one evening.

“Lin, are you feeling okay? You look exhausted.”

“I’m fine.” Lin immediately snapped, but it only took a few seconds for her to sigh and relent, “I’ve been having nightmares.”

Kya coated her fingers with water and pressed them to Lin’s temples, eliciting a small groan of relief in response. She hummed sympathetically, focussing on relieving the pressure that she found there before she pulled back, offering her now dry hand to the younger woman, “Come with me.”

Lin tilted her head with a question, but she was too tired to argue. She allowed Kya to pull her to her feet and lead her across the apartment until she realised that they were heading towards the bedroom and froze.

Kya bit down on a laugh, “You’ll sleep better in a real bed, that’s all.” She tugged on Lin’s hand again and was pleased when she wasn’t met with any resistance. She let go once they were through the door and gently shoved the younger woman towards the bed with a warm smile so that she could turn to retrieve two extra furs. She already had several on the bed, but someone still so unused to the cold would appreciate a few more. Turning, she found Lin sat on the edge of the bed nervously fiddling with the corner of one of the blankets. Kya couldn’t help the fond chuckled that bubbled up without her permission as she piled the additional layers onto the bed.

“Come on, get in.”

Lin rolled her eyes at her, but followed her instructions nonetheless. She opened her mouth to speak, but the question died in her throat as soon as Kya climbed in after her. The bed was large enough that there was ample space for both of them, but Lin could still feel the warmth radiating off of the older woman and their faces were close enough that, should she want to, Lin would barely have to move to capture her lips in a kiss. It was more intimate than she had been with anyone else in a long time and she suddenly felt overwhelmingly self-conscious.

“You don’t snore or anything, do you?” Kya said with a wink and Lin let out an undignified snort, glad that the tension had been diffused so easily,

“No one’s ever complained.” Kya laughed musically before settling down, a yawn escaping involuntarily. Lin wished her goodnight before they lapsed into awkwardness again and rolled over onto her other side. She felt slightly less overwhelmed now that she wasn’t looking at Kya, but the butterflies in her stomach remained. Perhaps, she mused, she could just slip out once the waterbender was asleep and retreat back to the safety of the couch. Her heart ached at the idea of leaving the warmth of Kya’s presence and the thick pile of blankets, but it seemed to be the safest option. As if she could hear Lin’s brain going into overdrive, Kya shifted forwards until she was close enough to wrap her arm around her waist and pull her in closer.

“Is this okay?” She whispered, breath tickling the hair on the back of Lin’s neck. Part of the younger woman’s brain was telling her to move away, to escape Kya’s inviting embrace and calm her frantic heart by creating distance between them. But it all felt too right, too comfortable, and she couldn’t bear to deny herself any longer.

“Yeah. Yeah, it’s okay.” It was the closest Lin could get to the truth: that it was the safest and most at peace she had felt in a very long time. Kya sighed happily anyway and soon they were both fast asleep.

* * *

_ Lin remembered closing her eyes, begging herself to stay strong. She’d known the risks and had been prepared to take them, so she shouldn’t have been surprised by the situation she was in. She thought she had been ready, had been strong enough, but nothing could prepare her for the sudden helplessness, the sudden emptiness that filled her body. _

She awoke with a gasp, sitting bolt upright in bed as she struggled to take in her surroundings. Sheer muscle memory led to her rushing to place a foot on the floor to ground herself before she remembered with a choked sob. Her bending was gone. Panic seized her and she struggled to take gasping breaths, all too conscious of how wrong she felt. A piece of her was missing, the piece she’d built her entire life and career around.

Suddenly she felt a warm hand on her lower back, gentle fingers tucking stray hairs back behind her ear. She’d forgotten Kya was there and the realisation made her panic even more, since she couldn’t feel the other woman’s heartbeat like she always had. Kya was murmuring something, but Lin’s ears couldn’t focus on the sound until, almost as if she knew, Kya took Lin’s left hand and placed it on her chest over her heartbeat.

“That’s it, love, follow my breathing. In,” she took a deep breath, nodding reassuringly when Lin followed suit, “and out.” They exhaled together, slowly, maintaining eye contact all the while. In, out. In, out. “Good, good, you’re doing so well darling. In…out.” Despite herself, Lin’s heart stuttered at the praise.

Kya could tell the moment that Lin returned to herself, as panic and embarrassment suddenly replaced the sheer terror in her eyes. She didn’t allow the younger woman even a chance to pull away, instead tugging her closer so that her face was buried in Kya’s neck; she felt tears soaking the shoulder of her sleep shirt and held her tighter, whispering placating words until she felt Lin’s breathing return back to its normal rhythm.

Lin’s immediate reaction was to apologise, but Kya placed a finger on her lips as soon as she opened her mouth to speak, “Don’t apologise, don’t ever apologise for your emotions. At least not to me.” She leaned backwards and pulled Lin with her until she was lying on her back with the younger woman tucked neatly into her side.

“I don’t know if I can go back.” Lin voiced after a few moments of silence.

“You know you don’t have to, love. But running because you’re afraid won’t solve any of your problems, trust me.” The last few words came out slightly more bitter and jaded than Kya intended them too, but Lin understood. She blindly moved her hand up to caress the side of Kya’s face hoping it might bring her comfort; when she felt the waterbender lean into her touch, her heart leapt at the idea that she might have succeeded.

“Part of me just wants to stay here forever.” She didn’t even really know what she meant, whether she was talking about staying in the South, or in Kya’s bed, or if she wasn’t talking about a location at all, but rather this moment itself. Kya didn’t say anything, she simply pulled her in closer and gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead, leaving her to her own thoughts.

“I love you.” Kya whispered after a while. She had been almost certain that Lin was asleep, but she felt her shift in her arms and twist to look at her, eyes shining with disbelief.

“You do?”

Kya wanted to hunt down every single person who had contributed to Lin feeling like this, to her not believing that she was worthy of being loved. She tightened her arms around the other woman’s waist and nodded, “I do.” She had always expected that, whenever she confessed her feelings to Lin, it would be accompanied by an all-encompassing sense of fear. Now, however, she only felt at peace.

Lin was quiet for a moment as she stared at her, searching her face for any signs that she might be misinterpreting the situation. “In what way?” She hated how childlike her voice sounded, full of wonder and incredulity.

“I think I love you in every way possible.” Kya whispered, as if the quietness of her words might distract Lin from their paralysing earnestness. Overwhelmed, Lin ducked her head back down to hide in the crook of Kya’s neck. She didn’t know what to do with any of the emotions that surged through her, but the waterbender didn’t seem to mind.

It wasn’t like Lin didn’t love her too, but for some reason she couldn’t find it in herself to say it back. She was still at war with herself, trying to come to terms with such a huge part of who she was being missing, and it suddenly felt horribly wrong to give Kya that broken shell of a person. While she was starting to come to terms with the idea that Kya might love her anyway, with or without her bending, she knew that she still had a long way to go before she was in a strong enough place to accept it as fact. And until she could accept herself, she knew she couldn’t love Kya the way she deserved to be loved, the way she had always imagined loving her. She couldn’t in good faith say the words when she knew that she didn’t live up to the meaning behind them.

Lin dropped a feather light kiss against Kya’s skin where her neck met her shoulder and felt her throat vibrate with a pleased hum. She pressed her ear against the waterbender’s chest and listened to her steady heartbeat, letting it fill her body with a sense of calm. The stable rhythm made her realise that Kya wasn’t anxiously waiting for reciprocation like she thought she might have been. She had given her love freely and without expectation, because she trusted Lin with it. She almost cried again at that thought. Kya’s breathing evened out as she drifted back to sleep and it was enough to lure Lin back into unconsciousness. She didn’t dream for the rest of the night.

* * *

“I’ve been thinking about what you said.” Kya said over breakfast the next morning. When Lin cocked her head at her, she clarified, “About not being sure if you wanted to go back to Republic City.”

They had spoken about it again in the early hours of the morning, when neither of them had been willing to get out of bed. Lin had admitted that, although she was scared, she still felt a sense of duty to the city and it would always be her home, so she was confused why Kya was bringing it up now.

“I meant what I said this morning, I will go back. I just don’t know when.”

Kya nodded, “I know, I didn’t mean to question you or anything. I was just thinking that a break would do you good.”

“Is this not enough of a break?” Lin quirked an eyebrow.

“Not for someone who hates the cold as much as you do. Maybe after we get you settled back into the city again, we could go visit Izumi?”

Lin heartrate faltered at Kya’s use of the plural and how it made it clear that she had every intention of being there for her. She realised that this was something she wanted badly and, for once, she was faced with an opportunity to go after something that she wanted without her job getting in the way.

“I’d like that.” She admitted quietly, not missing the shock on Kya’s face.

“Really?” Kya sounded so excited and Lin chuckled, nodding her confirmation. The waterbender squealed and leaned forward to kiss her on the cheek before she shifted back and immediately launched into her ideas. Lin was content to listen to Kya passionately speak and hoped that the older woman heard “I love you” in the pleased sigh she let out.

* * *

Korra ran away after a particularly intense healing session with Katara and they were all called back to the compound. It was the first time Lin had left the safety of Kya’s apartment since she had arrived there and all she wanted to do was cling to the waterbender’s arm, but she refused to show weakness in front of everyone else. She had stood in front of her armour for an agonising amount of time before they’d left, debating whether or not to put it on. She remembered lifting it up and feeling like the weight was unfamiliar, then suddenly it all felt nauseatingly wrong as she contemplated having to put it on by hand. What use was metal armour she couldn’t bend. Kya had come up behind her then and pressed a gentle kiss to the top of her head.

“You’ll be warmer without it, darling.” She had made it sound so simple just to leave it behind, and so Lin had chosen to believe that it was. She pulled on her coat and buttoned it up before she could change her mind.

They were standing around in the cold discussing what should be done when the Avatar herself had come barrelling back, leaping off of Naga’s back and proclaiming that she knew how to restore Lin’s earthbending. Lin tried again not to get her hopes up, but she knew her face was likely giving her away.

Her heart thundered in her ears as she approached Korra and kneeled in front of her. Images of the last time she had been in such a position, when her element had been ripped from her, flooded her brain instantaneously and she swallowed the bile that rose to her throat as she tried to cast those unsolicited thoughts aside. Then, suddenly, everything she had been missing came flooding back. Power surged through her like an old friend and she let out a delighted gasp, but she scarcely believed it was real until she was standing, stomping her foot against the ground and watching the boulders around them rise into the air.

A cheer rang out from the small crowd and Lin couldn’t even bring herself to feel self-conscious, she was so overwhelmed by relief that her connection to the earth was flowing through her veins once again. She turned to Korra to thank her and graciously made her exit when the Avatar was approached by Tenzin. Kya was there as she stepped off the platform and Lin didn’t even protest when she was swept into a hug by the taller woman. Lin buried her face in silver hair and tried in vain not to let out the aching sobs that threatened to rack her body. She felt aflame with pent up energy and was all of a sudden overcome by it; Kya either sensed this somehow or knew her well enough to know that she would want to move away from the group of people around them, because she moved her hand down to wrap around the metalbender’s wrist and gently pulled her away from them. Once they were far enough away, Lin twisted her hand to intertwine their fingers as they walked.

Kya led them to a cave in the side of one of the mountains that was mercifully sheltered from the bitter wind and made quick work of melting the ice on the ground. Lin almost wept in relief and wasted no time dropping to her knees and sinking her hands into the earth; she was so grateful to feel it finally yield under her touch once again that she let out a happy laugh that sounded entirely uncharacteristic of her. Looking up, she noticed Kya kneeling in front of her with an expression so tender that Lin just couldn’t help herself as she surged up to kiss her fiercely. It was a lot more deliberate than their first kiss, but just as passionate. Kya kissed her back with equal ferocity and Lin realised that she has never felt so whole in her life. Everything in that moment, kneeling on the cold ground in a damp cave, was perfect.

“I love you,” She whispered against Kya’s lips when they reluctantly broke apart for air. Kya’s eyes were impossibly shiny and hopeful, and Lin couldn’t even wait for her to answer as she moved in to capture her lips again, delighting in the gentle hum of surprise that she elicits from Kya. The healer pulled Lin into her lap and wrapped her arms around her as if she were trying to be as stable as the earth.

“I love you too.” Kya gasped as they rested their foreheads together, before she leaned down to kiss a trail along Lin’s jawline, causing her to moan softly. She leaned forwards to lay Lin back onto the ground and the earthbender wasn’t sure which was more comforting: Kya’s touch or the sensation of the cool earth against her back. She reached up to wrap her arms around the waterbender’s neck in order to pull her impossibly closer, giving in to the pleasure of feeling both.

Later, when they make it back to Kya’s apartment, Lin caught sight of her armour and felt like reality had come crashing down on her. “I guess that means you won’t need to come back to the city with me, then.” She said, trying to keep her tone light. She knew she’d said the wrong thing, however, when she glanced up from the ground to see the smile on Kya’s face immediately drop. She averted her gaze back to the floor, unable to face it.

“Oh,” was the only response Kya could come up with for a moment. But when the initial pang of hurt faded slightly, all that was left was anger, “So, what, that’s it? You get your bending back and whatever this was, we’re done?”

Lin’s head snapped up to meet Kya’s eyes. The determined fury on Kya’s face was the spitting image of her mother’s, so much so that Lin was suddenly hit by a memory of Katara glaring at her mother with the exact same expression as they argued over Toph’s parenting (or lack thereof). Lin had been so shocked by it; both because she had never seen Katara so angry and because she couldn’t quite believe it was on her behalf. The memory softened her posture slightly, but the fear lingered.

She stepped towards Kya, pressing down the bitter sting when she noticed a flash of panic in those brown eyes, “I just– I…” Her traitorous mouth wouldn’t form any words and she let out a frustrated growl as she dropped heavily onto the couch behind her. Kya, by some miracle she surely didn’t deserve, tempered slightly and moved to sit next to her,

“You can take your time, I’ll wait.”

Lin took a shaky breath as she turned to look at her. Kya’s eyes had calmed now, but they were still hardened and wary. Her posture reflected that too; she sat stiff and upright, almost as if she were prepared to jump back up at any moment.  _ Up and away from me _ , Lin thought to herself bitterly. It would have been so easy to let her, to stay stubbornly silent until her patience ran out and she walked out of Lin's life for good. But this wonderfully tolerant woman next to her deserved an explanation and, to a lesser extent, Lin knew that she owed that closure to herself too.

“I’m sorry,” she started, slightly relieved when her words caused the waterbender’s stormy expression to soften, “I’m sorry, I’m no good at this.”

Kya opened her mouth to respond, likely to snap that it was a feeble excuse and she needed to do better, but Lin beat her to it, words pouring out before she even consciously thought of them, “Not even just talking, I’m just not good at relationships. I’m married to my job, I barely spend any time outside of the station except for when I have to sleep. And I can be cruel and cold, I’m not–“ Another sigh left her involuntarily, “I don’t understand how you could want me.”

Lin leaned forwards with her elbows on her knees, unable to look at the waterbender sitting next to her. She couldn’t face the pity or, worse, anger that might be present in her expression. She heard Kya utter her name, but couldn’t bring herself to move. It was only when she felt soft fingers lifting her chin that she realised Kya had shifted onto the floor to kneel in front of her. Giving in to the other woman’s gentle pressure on her chin, Lin raised her head and was completely disarmed by the emotion she saw on Kya’s face.

“Lin, I know your work is important to you, I would never ask you to change that. In fact, I’d never ask you to change anything about yourself. I didn’t want to come with you just to care for you. I wanted to come because I care about you. I told you I love you and I meant it; no matter what, that won’t change, stubborn earthbender or not.”

With a startling realisation, Lin realised Kya had been so angry because she cared. And wasn’t that the whole reason why Lin was so afraid? Not because of Kya’s anger and how she might be hurt by it, but because it meant she cared about her so fiercely that Lin could hurt  _ her _ . But she was done being a coward, done being afraid to let someone care about her. Her mother had spent her entire life in fear of that very thing and Lin decided in that split second that she wouldn’t repeat Toph’s mistakes.

She reached down to loop her arms around Kya’s waist, revelling in the fact that the waterbender allowed her to pull her in without complaint. There was so much Lin wanted to say to her, but most important was, “I love you.” Her words came out almost as a sob, a fragile broken thing that paled in comparison to the weight behind them. Kya seemed to understand though, if her watery smile was anything to go by.

“I’m sorry,” Lin repeated, shaking her head as Kya opened her mouth again, “This is what I do, I don’t know how to rely on people.”

Kya’s brow furrowed and Lin fought the urge to reach out and sooth the lines in her forehead with her thumb. After a few moments of collecting her thoughts into words, Kya spoke softly, “I think, some space might be good for both of us. Just for a little while!” She was quick to clarify when Lin’s face flashed with hurt and she dropped her arms from around her. “You’ve been through a lot; I think it would be a good idea to settle back into your life before jumping into a new relationship.”

Lin all but deflated, not realising how much she needed to hear that from Kya until just that moment. She hadn’t even really known that was what she was asking for. She reached out to take both of Kya’s hands in her own and the waterbender squeezed them gently before she continued, “Will you still come to the Fire Nation with me next month? I do think you need a break, plus I’d like to spend that time with you. Away from everyone else, so we can work out what this is for us."

Lin opened her mouth to decline as she usually would, ready to cite the seemingly endless reasons why she was duty bound to the city and couldn’t leave. Especially when she was already anxious about how long she’d been away. But then she realised that the calm, soothing tone of Kya’s previous statements had been replaced by something that could only be described as nerves. Her stomach dropped when she realised that Kya was afraid that Lin was going to say no. She was putting herself out there, being open and vulnerable where Lin was always closed off and cold — who was she to throw that back in her face? So she steeled her resolve and allowed herself to be selfish for once and go after what she wanted, “I think…I’d like that.”

Kya’s lips spread into an adoring smile and Lin was hit by the notion that she would do anything to be the cause of her happiness. It was terrifying, but also thrilling. Kya placed her hands on Lin’s knees and leaned in for another kiss, full of hope and promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know i took a few creative liberties with the timeline, that they spent a few days in the swt before korra's bending was restored, but sue me i love the drama. as always, reviews are so super appreciated! thank you all for reading <3

**Author's Note:**

> come find me on [tumblr](https://firelcrdizumi.tumblr.com/) if you'd like to scream with me!! i'm so obsessed with these two, i'd love to have more people to talk about them with!


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